"Gettin' Out of The Life"

Im Losing.

Why can't i just carry my REAL Game over 2 Practice?!
Why do i work so0 Hard but then I feel as if im in the same place i was yesterday?!

why does my Mom have to go through all shes going through?!
Her Hearts so Great but physically its not so0 Great.
God is so good.

Im Just trying to figure out why certain things happen & then why some days im Cool with adjusting 2 it & others Im feeling how i do Now.

Im Sad. (no bitch)
4real 4real


I want ma grades 2 be higher, Im frustrated bcuz i work out every day but when i get 2 practice Its like im tryIn out all over again. Thats only some days.

0ther Days im Feelin it!
Happy Ballin, Checkin on Momz.
If she good Im H00d too!
Bro's & Sistaz aaight, thats when im str8.


BUT if somethin goes wrong with Fam...
EVERYTHING goes wrong with me.
Im Serious.

Im so far away its Hard 2 do anything.
I Can't do NuffIn Ova here.

I hope i can Travel 2 da MEAC Tourney for the experience.

Maybe next year Ill be where i wanna be...


Hard Work.
(Breaaaath, Sigh)


Im tired.


I Just need 4 Family to be ok.
I need for them 2 Be Great.

Ima get tha grades.
Ima Keep Ballin.
Im tryna keep this confidence up but its so0 hard.


Give me Strength.

WRITING ON THA WALL

ive come 2 the conclusion, az i type with my head on the desk. that i am speeding through Life. i wonder why things happen the way they do. i wonder why havent i crashed yet? Or will i crash? I think alot...

about where im going & what anything goin on now has 2 do with me doin what i aspire2 do.
i work out alot.
i study & i do my work.
im not a great test taker but i pray b4 every 1 i take.

i pray everyday but does that mean im alright?

I believe in God.

Im different tho...

i see what goes on On earth tomorrow & next week and 10 yearz from m0ow.
Unintentionally.

Its like i do right & i say right...
then I feel bad about somethin and i feel as if i did something wrong or said something wrong.

Im always full of energy, like i really have it.
I put on a good show.
just for the smiles
das all.

ma body aches and is dead tired but im not dead and i dont show how tired i really am knowing i prolly have about 1, 587 hours of sleep to make up.

Ill never make it up the rate im goin.
Ill sleep when im dead tired, LITERALLY.
who knows me better than me?
Shit i can name a few, Dino, Amy Davis, Gabrielle etc.

I dont know what tha hell is wrong wit me honestly.
Im a Mystery to maself and others.
Ma joy and Livliness is contagious yet falsley advertized at times because sometimez im sad yo' or mad yo' or hurtIn or disappointed...

But im always thinkn tho
whats the right thing 2 do.
when ima work out and study and theres no such thing as free TIME.

I dont have classes on 2sdays n' thursdays.
Fuck that mean?!
I still gotta wake up for breakfast at 7, study hall. practice, wash clothes, study, Pray, work out, and Try2 relaxx....


This iz Not complaining.
Its an informative speech.

Im practicing for oral Communications. Nosa lol
But 4real dough.

Ma head hurts every single day for no reas0n.
ma mind roams, no reasons.
I do things for a reason but alot of shit jus happens 2 me for no reason.
I guess im feelin like this cuz its that time of tha season.
Not Basketball Season cuz I aint playin lol
not 1 of tha 4 seasons.
but that seasoning...
This is the time when ma seasoning gets real tasteless.


Ill be aaight tho. BET! lol
and if im not alright. then best believe it aint gonna last long cuz im 2 strong.



P.S. {Random Thought}
theres this girl that goes 2 my school and shes 5'2. She has a big head.
& her sister has 2 Tooths. loL
She's a cooL Customer.
Naw but she's Actually my manager.

Im The Librarian

Read me.
As i sit on this shelf & Post up Like Kareem...
dont be sleepIn in tha Library tryna catch u some Dreamz.

Its Quiet in here @ leasT Thats what it seeemz...
Its Loud oN THE INside of that girl with tha Cut up Jeanz...

Im The Librarian.
U know why?

Cuz Im In tha Library Cuhz LoL
So0 for These couple of Hours.
u Do'z What I Say Doez!

Im the Librarian...
Aint nobody better than me.
Ima Soldier bein all I Can B.
But U need some new glasses if u reallI tryna C.

Or if u tryna read, ReadIn Glasses what U Need 2 reaD Me.
Cuz im that Nigga.
hahaha Im that Nigga with tha Book in his hand.
Tha Black Man.
with tha Hoody On.
& tha Cell phone.
& Tha BasketbaLL
O shit u thought i 4got?!

haha I Guess Not.

Im The Librarian.

why?

Because im in the Library Bi%ch!



-BoredUmB Killz @ a HighEr rate than CracK Does... LMAO!!!!!

My Friend B'z Da Best!

Bestfriend,

Buzy Buzy Buzy P!

Buzy Buzy Yea Das me!

I USED 2 THInk I was Never To0 Buzy For You!

But no0w The Statement Seemz UntrUe...

Tell me what theRe is 2 do.




GT!!!!!!!!!!


i mISS YOU DEARLY,

I know you can hear me, right now.
StressIn & ThinkIn.
Thinkn & StressIn.
I used 2 be theRe.
I used 2 be yo' BlessIn.
Haaaaaaaaa CHOO!
Bless You.
not me, Not CHOO!
Fuck It! Str8 up^, It aint da Same witouT ChOO!


All tha shiit We Been Throo!
U said Fuk Tha History...
Our History is what has me Missin U.
Our History Is what has U MissIn me, LOWKEY!
You aint emotionaL BUT you are cuZ Ive seen It...

I know every Word that Comes Out Ya MouF You Mean It.
Thats why U ma BestFriend Th0
Shit!
das why Pd Lovez Him Some Gt
Cuz witout tha Gee In Me, there aiint nO P & if there aint No P Then wtf Iz a D witout Tha P & If Im missIn tha Tee...
I aint az Tight az I would be.
Could be.
Should be.

But C...
I do have tha G & Tha T there4
P.D. Iz Able2See.



Love ya Doggie

LIFE

Str8 to the point.

I continue 2 hold up my gaurd.


what do i do?!

Stop workin?

Hell naw!

i would die.

Basketball takes me away from the harsh realities that haunt me errday...
I get away!
the gym.
my home away from home.
im a GymRat!

Stressful as it seems...

iTs Way More StressFuL ThaN It Se3mZ!!!!

I cant remember tha last time i played in an organized game!

Fu*%!!!!

I JUST WANNA BALL..

all i eva wanted.

the fun.

i am so happy and at peace when imm goin 2 da cup & n gettn hit on tha head or a busted lip perhaps.

I MIss Those Dayz...


I cant dwell tho.

Ima Ball Player & I will always be because thiis is what i do!
I work on ma Craft errday and I Love 2 do what i do bcuz im good at it, Great! at it and im still getting better !

Never ceases 2 amaze me how HARD WORK pays off.
It has payed off over the years... til this Day it has payed off...

It was almos 2 years ago now i was in tha Hospital wit a tube down my throat tryna fight2 keep breathIn...

Almos Two Yearz!

then a ni@*a like me wanna do the Unthinkable!

Lets Take a Trip Down Memory Lane...



( workiN ouT)

Me: where we goin yo?!
Zo: nigga we gon make it D1 das all ima settle fo!
Me: Nothin less ma ni*%a lets go!
Zo: i got you Pd
Me: this iz Life Zo, its what we do,
Rod: we makin a living outta dis sh%$!
Rod: tha only way out of tha Ho0d yo, tha only way.
Me: Hard Work all day Baby!
Zo: We goin D1 or Nada!






Man..
If i was weak & vulnerable i would cry every day bcuz thats the pain inside of me.
I hate not being rewarded 4 working hard!
&& I hate being brought down 2 a lower level, knowing that i should be higher.
I hate when som1 tells me I work too Hard!
tell me i dont work hard ebuff so i can prove u wrong!


Im a Fu%$In Beast!
i been one and ima only get beastieR...


Momma I Made It!

Hard Work right...

Division 1 Basketball.
not exactly the picture i had in ma mind but im here n0w

i have 3 or 4 different numbers and jerseys but im on the team.
Im a Gaurd.
No Minutes this seas0n but why do i continue 2 show up 2 practice errday?
why am i the only person on tha team thats in the GYM every single night?

I dont FreaKIn get it!!!

How can u take for Granted a DREAM that so many people want?!
I would be the same person if i had a scholarship 2go here.
workin ma ass off 2 keep it!


I am Blessed.


I pray for the strength 2 keep goin and Gods work is keeping me the little bit of sane i am lol

Going Crazy?
ha! Im Crazy!
losing my mind?
Ive lost it!
Insane In tha Membrane!

Thats me P.D. #32 from highschool.
Paul Davis # 14, 45, 33, & 23 in College as a Division 1 Basketball Player.

I Go Hard for Life!

Thats why I aint Dead yet.
Because im not done wiith Life.
So Ima Keep Life In Ma hands.
& im not gonna give up on it.
im gonna keep control of it.
Like a Gaurd is supposed to.

Vivacious Yet eRotic... (Prt III)

In an Esaay U give an Intro that graBz the Readers attention, then u give a strOng thesIs 2 support the Rest of your Essay...

Then yOu dive in.

I Gave you a thesis 1st. and... I dove in but i sort of combined the story with some mixed ingrediants because...The Middle of the story is what i gave u 1st in that being the thesis due 2 tha fact that it all stimulates from the beginning and The Thesis also relates directly 2 tha current state of this story.


& for the Record.

There is No Ending!!!

well at least i doubt there will be.

But 2 get along and continue this story...


Time Flies...

One moment your all by urself and your sad & solemn && tha next thing u know your LaughIng with som1 at a restaraunt drinking "Peach Vanillas".

OR

maybe you lose hope 1 day and say Im Just gonna Live for ME!
Then tha Next thing u know U feel Like U Cant Live without thiis Person bcuz all Ur doing iz

Thinkin' about them!

& worrying about their every Move.

& then your going against what you said last week or last month because...

IT FEELS SO RIGHT...


what makes this different from tha last relationship?
friendship?
boyfriend?girlfriend?


?

Think about that.



Well, currently you have experienced "The First Kiss" & You've had SEX. & You've caught these amazing Feelings. You've had the talks and you've taKen tha walks. The Tears have shed Early, Foruntately but Unforunately ( u kno how that goes)....

And as time goes on and all this the 2 of you have experienced together...

The "L" word has made its way through its Process in this particualar relationshiip.

There is no Time Limit on how Late or Early u can say it.
Not at all.


"I Love YOU"


Now what?

bak2 part 1?
naw youve read it so you know...

Physically, Spiritually, and Now Mentally...


4Rm the day you layed eyes on her to Now...

the 1st Impressionz.

the presence of the two.

the conversation.

the contact.

the waltz.

the attraction.

the thoughts.

the impulse.

the 1st Kiss.

the 1st night of Sex.

the comfort.

the adaptation.

the tears.

the disappointment.

the uprising.

the feelings & emotionz.

the "L" Word.

the Moment 2 Moments...

The Making of Love.

The Current state???


Vivacious Yet eRotic.

Vivacious yet eRotic . . .(prt. II)

. . . . . . . No0w Makiin' Love isn't even Half of what thiis word truely Meanz . . . . . . .





Im n0t an expert or anythiing of the Xtreme BUT there are some thingz that happen 4 a Reas0n. Thoze ReaSonz can Be specifiC or Just RandoM & Thats whats so UnPredictable about This feeling/(slash)phenomenon/(slash) unbelievably misused and often misundersto0d emotion also known as a woRd that causes people 2 do thingz they never imagined themselves doIng EVER IN A MILLION YEARZ!!!





Bak2DaBasicz,



have you ever seen som1 so0 Beautifullll that you thought " Damn is thiis it?" Yea. Yuup.

Uh huh. YA! You know what im talkiiN about because youR thiinkn 2 urself, "OK, where did he/she come from and why are they here now at thiis Moment && Time" and ur thiNkinG if thiiS Iz REAL o NOT!



ITS REAL.





The thing iz that... Thers a Process, pretty Much.



You See,

Observe,

Visualize,

Act upon(Meaning SAYING SOMETHING YOU SHY PUNK!) ,

Carry on,

Act some more(Dont stop Being ASSERTIVE,show interest)

Communicate,

Communicate more,

Bond, (NATURALLY, without force.)

&& Let everythiing Else happen accordingly, az its Supposed 2too.





Scenario:

So you head to this BirthDay Partywith your boyz & your doiing ur UzuaL..."ManSc0pE"

Meaning ScopIn out your surroundings...(Ladies do it als0)



NE WHO, and then Damn! You see somethiing you know 4sure your not used 2 & thats Go0d because thats what we are all Looking for, the DIFFERENT.



So0 You see Beauty. Its not exactly what you pictured but it adds more "abstract" 2 ur meaning and a little more Confidence to youR "Swag" because Thats something you want.



&& if your 1 who always goez for what you want, Then U Go for it without a doubt In youR Mind and I Can gaurantee that 88-90% of the time you will be successful bcuz God rewards those who take risks when it comes 2 His Love.



In that Case, your 100% bound 2 get what you deserve if your looking for tha Love God Created...



Thats the greatest Love.



Then you give an impression and that impression will come from ur personality and if yours matches that opposite SEX, you have a chance...

That next Day you wake uo & 4 sum odd reason That person iz on your mind,
OF ALL THE THINGS THAT GOES THROUGH THE MIND OF A MAN...


so you go about ur Daily routine & the day turns in2 a Day full of surprises bcuz theres nothing 2 do & every thing reminds u of yesterday.. and wat u did & saw & felt when your attentioN was Grabbed.


Haaaaa........


There she is. Silence as she walks. Mute as she talks until she gets right 2 ur face & everything comes out of slow Motion & your Manho0d is Tested.

"Hey, how you doin?" he says.


"Im Fine." she says.


You acted, there4 causing a REaction & this stimulates a Cause n' effect type of scenario.

Hopefully it gets better...

Then You Begin 2 Communicate & how well he or she communicates tells alot About the individual...


Shes interested.
She showed up knowing u would be there...
She doesnt and hasnt reallI Givn a chance 2 any1 before but what makes you different?1

hhmm...

theres that feeling again.

You both have interests. commons. differences. smiles exchange. character stands out & of course personality'z...

Compatability???


just keep doing what your doing and everything else will flow how its meant to flow, Spiritually.

This is just the beginning.

Vivacious Yet eRotic... (Prt I)

You kiss me & ill kiss u bak.

Sexual.

Love taps...

the sweats involved and my body heat hits ur cold soul...
my mind wanders only in the pit of sensual fulfillment mixed with the emotion u carry on your heart.

im willing 2 touch it.
your heart i mean.
with my heart.
or something else But that would depict from tha true meanIng of what i feel.

what most feel or at leas WANT to.
O yes.
The "L" word
use it dont abuse it.
dont touch me when u say it.
caress me when u whisper it but dont get 2 caught up in tha moment because if u do then we'll end up where we left off and what do we call it?

I call it Love Making.
call it wat u want bcuz tha Power of Love could only control the cruise u have been entwined in.
a cruise with no cruise control due 2 the fulol body massage that numbs ur temptation at that moment but when the silence breaks that sensation fills you with all entirety.

Lets make Love...

He says i want you
she says i want you more..
bak & forth they go


toss and turn'N
heAT.
passionately dedicated 2 one another.
hardly letting go...
grasping with all concern and feeling of unbelievable surprise and excitement which cant be seen on the outside due 2 the effect of ones physical array of senses bunched up on top of eachother causing the eruption of moistness and fluid forcing the temptation 2 take over all thoughts and actions for momentary pleasure.


does the Love last?



theres more 2 Love th0


Ill tell you..

theres a whole lot more 2 this piece of puzzle...



this isnt the beginning or the end..

Its the thesis to "How & why you Make Love", Physically.

It couldnt possibly be the full definition and instruction but it iz a vivid Thesis.

ill tell you the rest...




Later.



2 BE CONTINUED

FreestyLe PO3TicKneSs

fR0m Head2To3
Da Man in Me.
da Man U see
tha Man u Hear.
Da Man U Know
will be right there,
will be right here...

for whoever whenever thats me 4sure.
My Heart is made of Gold & pure..
love and care and dont u dare
think different.
think tha same..
I think of you
cuz all i mean is reaL & True...


my mind takes me places
no1 imagines.
the scarcity of negativity in my Dreamz...
from My hope to ma faith 2 ma action den my RE-action.
my experience and my mindstate.

the unMimicable Swag that i was born with.
No cocky jus realistic, a realist.
Idealist but Vivacios when it comes 2 Life
the meaning and the respectability that i portray towards those i care 4.
and stand for...
and LOVE.


LOve.. what i represent.
every aspect of it form the long nights 2 tha long days to thse times where your heart could probably fall out of ur chest if ur chest was open bak 2 the times where clouD 9 is In Effect and you feel like this could be it 4eveR...

REALITY CHECK.



My goals and the way i plan 2 acccomplish WUSS GOOD! for P.D.

tha path 2 successs & tha journey of a Man can Only be determined by the work 1 has put in and his fate is determined not by the times he faces in tims of convenience and comfort but that of challenge and contreversey....


haaaa! Im just writing.
ldont really have a destination, just going and flowing.

what if

what if i was never
born?

would my Mom have
been adopted
then?

~~~~~~~~~

what if i grew up in a great
neighborhood?

would my Grandmother be the wise
person she is now?

~~~~~~~~~

what if i died at age
1?

would my little brother have been
born
& Lived?

~~~~~~~~~

what if Momz didnt have heart
disease?

would my sister still have
esphasia?

~~~~~~~~~

what if my Grandpa was
alive?

would my parents be 2gether,
happily?

~~~~~~~~~

what if...

what if i didnt play
Ball?

what if i didnt have any
siblings?

what if i joined that
gang?

what if i had no
parents?

what if i never went 2
school?

what if i died
today?

would the world
stop?

would basketball
end?

would eveyr1 be an only
child?

would no1 have
parents?

would school cease 2
exist?

i would be
dead.

what if my brother would have died
from the bullet?

what if my coach raheem was still
alive?

what about Uncle
lloyd?

Auntie Susie?

How about Grandma Flora or aunt
jemaine?

what if Brittiana was still
alive?

what if it was gonna be all
over
2morrow?

what u gonna do about it
now?

what if
?

HeavY HeadEd

This creati0n by God that caused me 2 enter a so called world in which these walking talking people arrived also known as human beings and brought along with them these auras and egos and words and expressions supporting the meaning of feelings and emotions which pretty much influenced the thought and realization of wants & needs, then stimulated to objects, materials as well as thoughts which create wat we may call images which make imagination which very well somes up the word DREAM and of course this is what motivates those who chose 2 have 1 or if you dont have 1 of those DREAMS then along with the previous created are also actions which depend on your wants and needs as well as your thoughts and your thoughts came from your brain which grew every year you added an age & you became smarter and you became more aware that maybe you can learn more or maybe you lack what your mind also carries which is confidence and that comes from how you think, how you have thought in the past & of course the main factor EXPERIENCE, which some people lack and there4 follow what they know as THE ONLY WAY OUT, out of what you ask? maybe out of a trap, or a state of mind or WHO KNOWS! but then again you do have a physical, spiritual and mental state and they all react 2 one another there4 causing an up& down lifestyle because its a rarity for all 3 to be at an equal state but it can happen then again you look at what goes on around you and you continue to learn, how to tell time and how to do this and that, skills and talents are found and then hope can be born or hope can be passed up due 2 the environment but God created environment because he created adaptation and adjustments and he also created a belief that many follow but many dont at the same time, & then your in a SITUATION where negatives are in effect and positive but when negative is around its hard 2 see the positive in anything but for some reason God created the 2 which also means that if there is a will there is a way and if there is a way theres no point of giving up but what if you still feel this way and you dont know why?then you get help but no1 understands the way u do because only you know exactly whats going on at all times with you, and theres only 1 other who knows you as well, God, who also knows where you are from ,where your going and how your getting there and whats next, what will end begin, when and where and he knows what ntime you came and what time your leaving and this makes you think that while the stress seems 2 never go away you will be fine if you are doing what you were bput here 2 do and if you dont know your purpose, just ASK HIM and he'll let you know in a way he created and you will realize that all falls in the right place if you are behind the man upstairs, but this Life he created is definitely a rough and different and challenging and happy and sad and emotional, expiremental, SHORT LIFE and then after he created everything then he was complete. Then He died for our sins so that we could have eternal LIFE, knowing that he also created DEATH & the Gates of Heaven, and all of the above.

hhhhuuuuhhhhhhhhh............(sigh)
HeavY HeadEd.